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The Ballad of Tom Jones


What did I do wrong?
Oh you nearly drove me cuckoo
Was I really all that bad?
You're worse than Hannibal Lecter, Charlie Mansun, Freddie Krugar.
Why are we still together?
Oh I can't leave you till you're dead
You mean "til death do us part"?
I mean like cyanide, strangulation or an axe to your head.
It was lucky for us I turned the radio on
They say that music soothes the savage beast
There was something in that voice that stopped us seeing red
The two of us would surely have ended up dead

Chorus:
You stopped us from killing each other
(Tom Jones Tom Jones)
You'll never know but you saved our lives
(Tom Jones Tom Jones)
I've never thrown my knickers at you
and I don't come from Wales

Still haven't solved our problems
You mean we hate each others guts
Still want to poison your pizza
And I still wanna cut off your nuts
I phoned the marriage guidance
I tied the phone line round your neck
I'm sick of all this hatred
Oh that'll be the arsenic making you sick
You were about to drive me over the edge of a cliff
As I tried to jump out I knocked the stereo on
You changed your mind and then slammed on the brakes
It was lucky for us we'd brought his greatest hits

Chorus

And now our war is over
I've lost the urge to break your neck
I owe my life to "What's New Pussy Cat?"
"Delilah" stopped me hating you and wishing you were dead
Oh I used to call you Satan
And you were Cruella De Ville
But now you call me your Delilah
And now I'm not your Lucifer
And I am just a Pussy Cat
But just a word of warning now
Just in case we ever get tired of his voice
I know the Mafia, Godzilla, King Kong
And I know an atom bomb thats going for a song

Chorus to fade

(Lyrics transcribed by Tiff and ruthlessly stolen for this web site!)
Read the Bill Gates version
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